Searching for Americana

In 2014, I watched football with more panache than I used to. I finally mastered the art of finding those websites or streams out there with my tablet and smartphone that allowed to me watch the pigskin if I wasn’t commandeering a moving vehicle at the time. This is why I don’t bitch too loudly when AT&T gives me a $300 monthly bill.

How I wish that good sports servers were as easy to find on the web as it is easy to find a good streaming porn. Not that I watch a lot of porn, but I know people who do–a lot–and they can find anything they want with just a quick tab over or whathaveyou. “Black, double pen, extra thick, with a side of crossplay? I got it.”

Except my streaming order would be, “I need some Colts versus whoever, I want Erin Andrews by my side sharing a bowl of spaghetti like in Lady and the Tramp. Complete with nose roll of the meatball.” I only infer Miss Andrews because most of you don’t immediately remember Katerina Witt. Or Sophia Lauren.

So along with the last portion of what may be the last recognized season of NFL football. Injuries and just people-issues are causing feminists and ambulance chasers to circle stadiums. I wonder if the games next year will have to shut down temporarily due to rain or snow delays. Limbaugh has been warning us for years of the Pussification of this sport. I didn’t really think much about this until the Sherman-Andrews incident at the NFC Championship.

Holy shit, the response was large. Everyone wants to be a Broncos fan because Sherman showed rage and adrenaline and shit-talking! He screamed at that little blonde girl, did you see that? I would say the opposite, thanks to Sherman, I have faith that the NFL isn’t just for pussies.

The fans might be another situation all together. That statement totally qualifies itself when dealing with the Steelers, but we will deal with that in another season or two. The fans of whomever responded on the internet, some calling Sherman a nigga or whatever, just another sample of Compton, who cares what they said. It is the era of instant critical praise and critical response–many times without critical thinking needed to pair up with it. The fans that went online were fast to forget that Sherman had just beaten his opponent and he was celebrating in his own way.

The only real part of this story that made me upset was how Sherman ‘felt’ when he went on the internet to read the responses to his explosive delivery. He felt like we, as a nation, had just been pushed back to mass crosses-in-your-front-yards-on-fire. Racism was blanketing the country because of ten seconds on a post-game interview. We as a nation would not celebrate February.

Sherman is usually an articulate man. He’s a journalist, he’s educated. He’s not just some little black guy out of Compton. But when he ‘fucks up,’ he gets the same derisive comments as the rest of us. He was unable to comprehend every thing for a few days before he went back to the press. Once he did, he appeared composed while describing just how he felt as a black man reading the commentary daily.

Hey Sherman. I should tell you something. In a few months, regardless how you perform on the 02FEB14, people will forget about you and Andrews on the sidelines. You’re going to be far better than me.

I will tell you why. I’m a Christian conservative that votes alongside the Tea Party values and morals. While I do sin (with aplumb!) and screw up occasionally, I have to say that in forums or on the internet or in public…once I make my presence known…or anyone who identifies themselves as I did…

We get far worse thrown at us than what you read after the shitstorm subsided. From politicians to talking heads of media to the voting block of the School of Victimology (thanks Obama), I am a happy white male minority that is hated by those who are in power. Some people don’t think so, but the sail the Nile.

I am not old enough to remember when it was cool to be a Conservative. I know when Reagan was in power, they were still lambasted and hated. Go to any political forum if you need to verify this.

I quit smoking cold turkey just to piss off those people who want to pussify our nation. I did it to piss off Moslems and democrats and liberals. I stopped paying cigarette taxes just so I could live a few more months and heckle people for making stupid decisions. It’s sad and funny at the same time, I couldn’t quit smoking cold turkey no matter how much I imagined my mother putting a guilt trip on me. But my brain ran the “You will piss off more moslems and democrats by living healthier longer.” Achievement unlocked.

So as the things I enjoy continue to circle the drain, I embrace them that much more. I look forward to watching Sherman get punked by Manning. I look forward to seeing some truly shitty Super Bowl commericals. I look forward to seeing Dannica whatshername parade her figure out for GoDaddy.com. I look forward to some heartwarming commercials, maybe we’ll parade Clint Eastwood out and an empty chair for thirty seconds…remind people that the nations first black president would rather golf than be an adult.

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