Continuing my Argument

In today’s earlier post, I explained that some things have happened that I am enduring.  There are some things that I’m not going to cover.  I’m willing to just cut the items out, that happened over twenty years ago.  I won’t be discussing the issues like, the Federal Reserve, black lives matter (law abiding denial club), or things that are just out of my control.

So let me rewind to 2005.  I was dating a wonderful woman at the time and I was being toxic to our relationship.  I didn’t realize it, but the things that I had surrounded myself, with were things that distanced us more than what was needed.  I don’t ever usually pass up the chance to have friends that are in the gaming community.  Most of my friends are part and parcel of this. If you were to go through my social media, most of those people are based around the recreational pursuits.

We met through friends that liked to roll dice at the time.  She wasn’t really into it, but our mutual friends were happy that we were continuing to get closer.  Keep in mind, I had just been going through a period where I had studied Law Enforcement, and was getting burned out on the game which seemed to be rigged to favor minority females.  I’m not saying that women who are minorities aren’t suitable for public service–if they are qualified, by all means, wear the uniform.

I started looking at other opportunities.  My life seemed to be narrowing after I hit the age of thirty.  College was out, I was living with mom and dad, my GI Bill was exhausted…shit.

My mindset wasn’t healthy.  I’m trying to have fun, trying to ignore responsibilities.  Decatur, Illinois, was not helping me out.  As much as I wanted to be a cop in the city, I felt like I wasn’t supposed to be there.  I’m doing everything I can to start looking for a new place to land.  The dream of retiring in the city I was born in, was getting the chrome peeled off.  I continue to death spiral down, getting a job in security and having interests in the opposite direction of where the girlfriend lived.  I didn’t see that I was nuking my own happiness.

I guess I felt at the time, that I deserved better.   I couldn’t tell you why I felt this.  I just knew that I deserved some sort of job that would allow me to have independent thought.   I didn’t want to have someone that I was under their authority.  I don’t know why I was running from a belief system.  I was raised to be better than this.

But instead, I was going from work to home and back again, unhappy in numerous parts of my life.  2005 ended for me the same way that any other day would.  Actually, because it was a holiday, I got chewed out for not trying to take the day off, with the girlfriend.  I left the agriculture plant on the first of January, 2006, with my beeper going off like gangbusters.  I get more work.

At the time, I didn’t have much other choice, than to continue working and try to work as much as I could.  I did what I could, with what time I had–I was the on-call supervisor at the time.  

The local economy was tanking.  ADM was sending more jobs outside of the state, Caterpillar was doing the same.  Friends that I had made a decade before, were leaving the state with those jobs.  One reason why all of this was happening was that the powers-that-be north of I-80 (here we go with geographical bigotry), had hired Barack (current president of the nation) as our senator, in the year of 2004.

Some of you will see bias here, but there wasn’t any true opinion of him yet.  I was working too much to listen, to what he had to say.  He didn’t trip my red flags as of yet.   But the policies he was wanting to put in places; statewide and nationwide , were poisonous to the local economy.  Local democrats pointed at him, and laid part of the stresses that didn’t help late-Illinois Senator, Penny Severns in her final years.  That is a hell of a bombshell, come to think of it.

So I just accused the sitting POTUS of being partially responsible for a senators death.  Let me walk this back to you.  You all are aware that Obama was from Illinois.  But in the late nineties, he was allied with the unions, Committees of Correspondence (Illinois Commies), and everyone’s favorite bunch of rent-a-riot, ACORN.  These people formed what was the New Party.  They concentrated on turning the left-of-center into a more-angry, rabble-rousing bunch than what was usually the Railroad-heavy territory (while I have friends who worked in the rail transit, this group is known extensively for breaking kneecaps).

The New Party started it’s existence in making itself a tax-exempt entity.  Diverting funds from mainstream democrats across the state, it wasn’t long before power-hungry Barack Hussein Obama was involved with it.  Trevor Loudon did some real gumshoe work for us.  It looks like 1996, this was running, with all the chickens had come home to roost.

It was the following year that hometown hero, Penny Severns, really started to have her health deteriorate.  WAND-17  was the local Decatur station, and anytime Misses Severns had a statement or public appearance, they would have a microphone an arms-length away.

She passed in 1998.  Some of my friends talked later, thinking that when she departed, one of the real promises the city had, died with her.  At the time, I was not as politically awake, as I am now.   But having friends close to the situation, their discussions about the poison that swooped down to Macon County from Chicago…I can clearly see how the heartland of the state was so clearly thrown into a crisis-situation.



When you think you have life figured out, so many things are not going well in your head.  While it pays to be optimistic the majority of the time, you’re lying to yourself when you think that it can continue on indefinitely on a level track.  I have neglected this blog for too long, and when I saw myself slipping, I was content to carry on and not do much of anything while my life started this slow decline while I was living in Midland-Odessa.

So about September of last year, I was laid off at my oilfield job.  We saw this coming, and many of us were already looking for a new place to land.  It was at this time that I saw that no matter where I landed, I would have to work harder than I was already working.  While this sounds like something that can be easily overcome, in practice, it is hard to break habits-good or bad ones.  I was ready for a new challenge.

I’m not going to stand on here and make more excuses than I need to.  I’m trying to look through the oculus of my mind and see where exactly I went wrong, while maintaining a level and sane mind. It’s one thing to archive, it is another to wax nostalgic–blurring the lines is often easy to do.

So I started a new job. It wasn’t the best type of job, nor was it a job that I should have taken.  I say this, after finding out that in separating, I may need legal conflict to resolve the aftermath of it all.  I’m not looking forward to this, but at the time, I just wanted to find a job.  

As I’m typing this, Monday looks like I will be starting paperwork for a new vocation.  One not in trucking, not in oil.  This is a departure from the field that I thought I wanted to stay in.  The stance that I have had to mentally fix myself in, I’m beside myself wondering if this is some odd dream, or nightmare.  Hundreds of good people I know are having to do this, leave great middle-class jobs, temporarily and hope for the best, as the nation seems to implode and try to revert, or retard itself into socialism.  We aren’t willing to settle for less, but as the job market continues to tighten it’s descent into the death spiral, it is harder to see many of the options, that our way of life is so famous for making possible to the Everyman.